How are you really?
After Roger's sermon yesterday, I thought this article was very appropriate and very true I am blessed to have "Jonathans" in my life who ask the second question and care what the answer is
January 16, 2006
How Are You, Really?
by John Fischer
“How are you?”
“Fine.”
“No, how are you, really?”
A good friend will ask the second question, just as a good friend will give an answer the first time that makes the second question unnecessary.
Real friendship is all about truth-telling, and our answer to the question “How are you?” says a lot about the depth of a relationship. For many of our more casual relationships, “Fine” will do just fine. We have neither the time nor the trust established for telling more. Quite honestly, people are usually not expecting to hear more from us than this.
But all of us need someone to whom we can answer, “Not well,” when in fact that is the case. Sometimes I've tested friends with “Do you really want to know?” In other words: Do you want the truth or shall we placate each other right now?
Unfortunately, I think we get into placating each other a lot as Christians, which is unfortunate because of all people, we can be the most honest because of Christ's forgiveness and God's love which remains a constant in our lives. Still, we have gotten the idea that good Christians are always happy and on top of things, and we try and perpetuate this myth. The tragedy is that we are probably all hurting in some way, but no one knows. All it takes is one person to jump out and risk the truth to discover they were among friends and fellow-sufferers all along.
Do you find yourself saying “Fine” a lot when inside you are aching to tell the real truth? Well step out and try a “Do you really want to know?” on someone you think can handle it. You might just find out that help and empathy are closer than you thought. If being a part of the family of God is worth anything, it should be worth a few “How are you, really?”s, don't you think?
John Fischer is the Senior Writer for Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotionals. He resides in Southern California with his wife, Marti and son, Chandler. They also have two adult children, Christopher and Anne. John is a published author and popular speaker.
January 16, 2006
How Are You, Really?
by John Fischer
“How are you?”
“Fine.”
“No, how are you, really?”
A good friend will ask the second question, just as a good friend will give an answer the first time that makes the second question unnecessary.
Real friendship is all about truth-telling, and our answer to the question “How are you?” says a lot about the depth of a relationship. For many of our more casual relationships, “Fine” will do just fine. We have neither the time nor the trust established for telling more. Quite honestly, people are usually not expecting to hear more from us than this.
But all of us need someone to whom we can answer, “Not well,” when in fact that is the case. Sometimes I've tested friends with “Do you really want to know?” In other words: Do you want the truth or shall we placate each other right now?
Unfortunately, I think we get into placating each other a lot as Christians, which is unfortunate because of all people, we can be the most honest because of Christ's forgiveness and God's love which remains a constant in our lives. Still, we have gotten the idea that good Christians are always happy and on top of things, and we try and perpetuate this myth. The tragedy is that we are probably all hurting in some way, but no one knows. All it takes is one person to jump out and risk the truth to discover they were among friends and fellow-sufferers all along.
Do you find yourself saying “Fine” a lot when inside you are aching to tell the real truth? Well step out and try a “Do you really want to know?” on someone you think can handle it. You might just find out that help and empathy are closer than you thought. If being a part of the family of God is worth anything, it should be worth a few “How are you, really?”s, don't you think?
John Fischer is the Senior Writer for Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotionals. He resides in Southern California with his wife, Marti and son, Chandler. They also have two adult children, Christopher and Anne. John is a published author and popular speaker.
posted by Rochelle @ 10:33 AM
1 Comments:
At 5:05 PM,
Anonymous said…
I absolutely hate small talk. Especially when you come home from school...all of the "how are you's" and the "how is school"? I only feel obligated to say good...fine. But when you ask the second time you might find something else out.
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