Small steps in faith

Monday, February 28, 2005

A Quiet Day

Sometimes it's good just to "do nothing" that requires alot of effort Just sit wrapped in a blanket and read for fun or browse web sites and blogs...until reality comes in the door at 2:30pm :)

Saturday, February 26, 2005


Winter is almost over I can't wait I feel like I live in a dark cave in the winter Ohio weather can be so grey and dreary and depressing I love the spring !
New beginnings... New growth
Darrell and I started on a walking program this morning We were supposed to get up at 5:00 but one of us didn't roll out of bed until 6:30 :) We'll see how long we last this time It's so hard to stay motivated We're trying to get rid of our "winter fat"
We met a guy at DLM this morning who was buying a "grass shot" He normally grows his own but he ran out I don't think I'm up for that Darrell was getting the scoop on how you grow it and make it I have a feeling I'll be seeing a juicer in the kitchen soon (even though he's highly allergic to grass and takes allergy shots)

I'm reading a book right now that I would highly recommend It's called "God in the Alley" I found it at Borders last week when I went to see Bethany Dillon It's written by Greg Paul

Sam has survived physical,sexual, and substance abuse,terrible violence, and life on the streets. Wendy lives for the next high on crack, oblivious to her boyfriend's love. Neil is dying of AIDS.
These are the people of inner city Toronto Look into their distorted obscure faces their fractured lives and catch a glimpse of the sublime. Greg Paul calls them tragic heroes---individuals who can offer a testament to God's love and mercy.
With emotional depth and spiritual internsity, Greg's compelling stories reveal that people with desperate lives have precious lessons to teach us about the character of God. "God in the Alley" offers a profound message of grace and calling that each one of us needs to hear.

It takes you out of "safe Springboro" and shows you the reality of inner city life and ministry--something I think we all need a dose of.

Friday, February 25, 2005

John "the beloved"

I love the bible study I'm doing by Beth Moore It challenges me everyday I've found that if I'm feeling down it comforts me to do one of my daily studies
There were 2 quotes in today's lesson that touched me

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satified in Him" John Piper
(If you watch 7:22 Todd Fields used this quote during worship a few weeks ago )

The second deals with John's heart

Jesus offered a lot of life; John took him up on it.
Jesus shed light;John chose to walk in it
Jesus revealed glory; John chose to behold it
Jesus delivered truth; John believed it

Thursday, February 24, 2005


"Be still and know that I am God"
I'm learning to love the stillness of the night God has decided to talk to me in the middle of the night now Last night it was 3:15 I'm a morning person but that's a little early for me I'm wide awake out of a deep sleep trying to figure out why God picks 3:15 Maybe because any other time it's too distracting at our house
It feels peaceful to sit in the dark and just think and pray This morning it was snowing I'm not a big lover of snow but I opened the back door and watched the snow fall and just listened to the stillness of the night There's a 2 hr delay for school so now I have extra quiet time Time to be thankful and give praise that God chose to have a relationship with me...even if it is at 3am :)

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

God's "beloved"

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives" Psalm 90:14

I'm up at 4:00 God woke me up to finish my bible study I believe he felt I needed to hear the words in this study this morning I'm studying about the disciple John "the beloved" It's almost as though you can feel the emotions and think the same thoughts he did through her writing She has a way of making him seem so real

She describes how there were years of obscurity where we don't hear about John in the New Testament During that time he developed his "beloved" relationship with God that would lead to his identity as "the disciple who Jesus loved"
"Somewhere along the way God built a man to whom He could entrust some of the most profound words ever recorded on parchment"
Most of us identify and need to be "God's beloved" during difficult times just as John did
Unfortunately alot of times we're looking to fill that need with human acceptance and love

"Have you discovered that your need exceeds mortal fulfillment? I've learned the hard way that when I am in a crisis of insecurity or pain, nobody has enough of what I need. The attempt to retrieve it from human resources will ultimately result in my despising them and their despising me. God is our only source. He well never resent us for the breadth,depth, and length of our need..."

I'm a needy person when it comes to love and acceptance and many times in the past and in the present I've "looked for love and acceptance in the wrong places and with the wrong people" It's hard to be alone but that's when God steps in and fills that void that can't be filled any other way That's when he he helps you figure out your purpose........... In your aloneness

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

God works in the darkness

My devotionals the last few days have had to do with "Night Faith" Sometimes I think morning will never come My mind tends to churn alot at night
I do most of my praying in the middle of the night for that reason
"God specializes in bringing light out of darkness; you just have to get through one to get to the other!"
Going through a trial in life can be like the "morning that seems like it will never get here"
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning: Psalm 30:5
The dawn is always more brilliant because of the preceding darkness
"Great mornings come from rough nights.. whenever they finally shout the victory it's because they've spent the night weeping before God."
I think that's why sunrises seem so beautiful to me It's like God talking to me and saying "See, I told you the night wouldn't last forever and look what I brought you "
Have a good day :)

Monday, February 21, 2005

Childlike faith

You here people say alot of times that they want to go "deeper" in God's word It brings to mind someone mature,intelligent,successful,etc
I honestly think that when God sees someone "getting deeper" he sees the face of a child Someone who realizes that it takes childlike love, trust, and obedience to have a "deeper" relationship with God Tearing down all the mistrust,pride,defenses that we've allowed to take over our heart and draw us away from God He never wanted it to be complicated We have allowed it to become that way He just wants us to love Him and others with all of our heart...that's it

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Worthy to be loved

In Christ, we are loved because we are worthy and we are worthy because we are loved.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Constantine/ Bethany Dillon

Darrell and I went to see the movie Constantine last night I'm sure there will be those who love it and those who hate it Darrell hated it It wasn't my favorite movie but it was something different It had an interesting way of showing demons/angels and hell/heaven It reminded me of the exorcist at the beginning of the movie and Alien in another part Some of the characters and the special effects were very interesting I wouldn't recommend paying 9.00 a ticket Wait until it comes to the Danbarry or on video but its worth watching at least once
Anthony this is your kind of movie :)

We are going to see Bethany Dillon tonight That I would highly recommend She is at Borders( by the Dayton Mall) at 7:00 for free We saw her this summer and she was amazing

Friday, February 18, 2005


"Set a guard over my mouth,O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips" Psalm 141

This is the prayer I need for tomorrow I will be dealing with a family member tomorrow I have a feeling there will be a confrontation and I tend to get defensive in these situations This person is my mother My mother left our family when I was 17 and there are unresolved feelings that need to be dealt with She is going through a hard time Reality is hitting her in the face and she's not dealing well with it She is not a Christian Pray that I am able to be of comfort to her and share with her in a kind way things that she may not want to hear

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

For Coffee lovers

I found this on Relevant magazine's website If you love coffee you'll love this
I'll take any excuse to support my coffee habit :)

According to a study, a hot cup of coffee may do more than wake you up in the morning. The study found that 90,000 Japanese people who drank coffee daily or nearly every day had half the liver cancer risk of those who never drank coffee ... 02-16-05 - 9:05 am


"The most meaningful and powerful worship always comes at a price------ the whole of our lives placed on his altar."
Matt Redman

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Life out of control

We've all been in times when life crashes down hard on us One thing after another and you wonder when it will stop These are some points from my "Beloved Disciple" by Beth Moore that made me think

1 Chaotic events don't place us suddenly out of control nearly as much as they remind us how little control we had all along

2 When we feel tremendously out of control in one area, without God's help we will ordinarily transfer a tighter control grip on another area

3 We well never develop authentic confidence in God's sovereign control until we let him see us through seasons when life seems out of control

4 Keep in mind that Satan's first goal in a believer's life in trauma is to encourage cessation of communication with God

5 God may not always answer our questions but He will always answer us

..And surely I am with your always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20

Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day to most people means expressions of love,cards,candy,etc

Here is what the true expression of love is:

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."
1 John 3:16

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Chris Tomlin

I'm reading a book by Chris Tomlin called "The Way I Was Made"
It gives you insight into his heart.. his life.. his music
I love this quote

"I want to look back and say,"I have been faithful in the little things" That would be a worthy unnoticed life for the glory of God"

That's what life should truly be about...nothing else really matters

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Trust God knows what I need

I wrote about silence yesterday Some of my friends yesterday made me realize he's not being silent but maybe saying "no" or "wait"
This article by Matthew Paul Turner made me realize as well that I need to trust that God knows what I need

"Again in Matthew 6, a part of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, He addresses these same concerns: “Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries” (NLT).

In the years when Jesus was 100 percent human and 100 percent sovereign, He tasted the fear we humans cling to that God is complacent in our lives. He, too, was tempted to fear God’s seeming complacency in His own life. On the cross, Jesus cried out toward heaven, “Why have You forsaken Me?” Jesus’ words portrayed His own terror that God had somehow left Him. But Jesus addressed that kind of fear; He did not leave us stranded. I believe He realized how easily our faith can be pulled astray when we doubt whether God cares for the human race. Jesus was the ultimate evidence that God always has our best interest in mind. But, of course, God does not promise that we’ll understand His ways or be able to demand a miraculous performance. He says we must simply trust Him. And that is difficult—often overwhelmingly so.

I do believe God is merciful toward our unbelief. But He longs to pull us out of our jaunt of mediocre faith and allow us to see that He is trustworthy, faithful and always good—always. We must trust this.

I must admit that sometimes I have been jealous of God’s work in the lives of others. Sometimes, He seemingly speaks and moves all day long in the lives of some believers. But I’ve learned that in my pursuit of provocative faith in God I must never look at the way God is dealing in the life of others and wish Him to do the same in my life. Like Jesus said many times, God knows what I need. My needs are different than yours. Your needs are different than your pastor’s. Do not look at the lives of others and compare. That’s not faith.

Often we say we’re trusting God, but instead of trusting for His best, we’re looking for Him to provide a particular outcome to our experience. And when we trust Him for a specific event to occur or a circumstance to happen, we really aren’t trusting at all. We’re hoping, wishing—but not trusting. We’re telling God what to do instead of asking Him for His ultimate goodness to be revealed.
God is good. We may not always understand His goodness, but we must learn to keep our hearts and minds open to the truth that Jesus understands us. He knows how our minds work, but He also knows what we need—truly need. And that alone is miraculous enough for me to believe."

[Matthew Paul Turner’s new book to be released this year is called Provocative Faith: Walking Away from Ordinary. You can contact him at]

Friday, February 11, 2005


Why is it so hard to be in silence?
Have you ever asked a question and got no answer?
Sent an email or been on IM and got no response?
Left a message on voicemail and got no answer?
Said a prayer and only heard silence?

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Happy Birthday Darrell

Today is my best friend(and husband's ) birthday :) He never likes to make a big deal out of his birthday but we do :)
He loves bibles If you come to our house you will see that we have a variety I bought him an ESV(English Standard Version) This is what my stepbrother Tony uses and Darrell has alot of respect for Tony's opinions
He also loves Brennan Manning so I bought him a book called "The Signature of Jesus"
His other love is coffee He loves Starbucks and I'm sure they love him He is there everyday Zach bought him a gift card so Darrell is buying coffee this morning for the people he works with
Kristen bought him balloons and made him a card
Darrell is one of the few people I know who actually lives his faith His love for Christ is obvious in his words but more so in his actions He loves people and he would give you the shirt off his back I'm blessed to have him as a husband, the father of my children, and as my best friend.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

God's secrets

I'm doing a Beth Moore study and this just stuck with me

"The other day I came across a verse that causes me to stop, meditate, and ask big things from God every time I see it. Psalm 25:14 says, " The Lord confides in those who fear him" I desperately want God to be able to confide in me, don't you?...I believe these hidden treasures are not secret because He tell them only to a chosen few but because not many of us seek to know Him and tarry with Him long enough to find out.
I truly believe that if we're willing to see, God uses every difficulty and assignment to confide deep things to us and that the lessons are not complete until their beauty has been revealed. I fear, however, that we are so often attention-defecit that we settle for bearable when beauty is just around the corner."

God wants a relationship with us Slow down ,pray and listen ..really listen for His answer

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Buy a cup of Starbucks coffee

I shared an article earlier about a lonely man in Starbucks on Jan 17 This is the follow up to the article

Starbucks Revisited
by John Fischer

Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?
(James 2:15-16)

A few weeks ago, some of you who have been getting these devotionals for a while may remember I wrote one from a Starbucks in Riverside, California about an apparent homeless guy who was hanging around outside muttering to himself. He came inside, spoke something unintelligible and went on his way. I saw him as a warning in relation to a tendency I have to not want to engage in relationships. Should I get what I really want, I have this man’s behavior to look forward to. It was a wake-up call for an undesirable part of my make-up and an encouragement towards the importance of getting outside of the self. So that’s what I wrote about.

Not surprisingly, I guess, I received a number of replies from some of you wondering why I didn’t buy this guy a cup of coffee. Well now, that’s a really good idea, especially when you consider I got a devotional out of observing him (now two). It would have been the least I could do.

But I was afraid. The man didn’t appear rational. His behavior was very erratic. He’d walk one way and then stop abruptly, turn around and walk another way—not like someone thinking and pacing, but like someone whose mind was short-circuiting, giving him short bursts of chaotic information. He obviously needed to be institutionalized. Was I trained to handle such a person? No.

What if I reached out to him and he grabbed onto me and wouldn’t let me go? What if I reached out to him and he cussed in my face? There was obviously a good deal of hostility trapped inside the man. What if I couldn’t politely extricate myself from the situation? After all, I was on my way to address 1,200 students at a Baptist University. Wasn’t that my priority? I needed time to go over my notes.

I had tons of excuses. Besides, I’m an observer and a sociologist. I study and write about life. Don’t expect me to live it; that might be too hard. Aren’t I the guy writing this? Aren’t I the guy with the pen? Aren’t I supposed to tell you what to do? Did I ask for feedback?

You know, come to think of it, I could have just bought the guy a cup of coffee. It would have been a nice gesture. And everybody who wrote me… Thank you. You have a very good point. The devotional thought this morning is yours: quit making excuses and buy the man a cup of coffee for heaven’s sake.

John Fischer is the Senior Writer for Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotionals. He resides in Southern California with his wife, Marti and son, Chandler. They also have two adult children, Christopher and Anne. John is a published author and popular speaker.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Jesus Pierce My Heart

This poem is simple but powerful


by April French

Saturday February 5, 2005

Jesus pierce my heart
That I may be a Kingdom-dweller
... in thought, in word, in practice

Jesus, touch my eyes
That I may see what you see
... in people, on earth, in heaven

Jesus, penetrate my mind
That I may engage it well for your glory
... in wisdom, in truth, in light

Jesus, open my ears
That I may hear your truth
... in Word, in life, in beauty

My grandma

Helen Martha Geary
July 2, 1912 - February 7, 1998

This is always a hard day My grandma passed away 7 yrs ago today We were all at her bedside with my dad leading us in prayer when they took her off life support
She was the sweetest person I ever knew I don't think I ever saw her get angry
Every summer my sister and I would spend 2 weeks at her house and she made every day of those 2 weeks special We didn't have money to go on vacation so this was our vacation and we loved it Below is part of the eulogy my dad wrote and read at her funeral

"The words of a recent song went something like this, " I think you lived your life like a candle in the wind" I would submit that my mother lived her life like a candle in the window; always a smile that said I like you and I hope you will like me. Always warm, always inviting anyone who needed warmth and friendship to come closer.
I would tell you that I would gladly storm the gates of hell for this woman but it won't be necessart because on Febrary 7, 1998 that candle was lit in heaven."

Grandma, you are still very much loved and missed

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Why do we go through trials?

I have some close friends who are really going through some tough times right now
It's hard to understand why sometimes when it rains it pours I love them like I do my own children and it's hard to see them hurting These verses kept drawing me in

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strenthen you with power through his Spirit in you inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God Now to him who is able to do IMMEASURABLY MORE THAN ALL WE ASK OR IMAGINE, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever ! Amen " Ephesians 3:16-21

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Why are we here?

"Jesus commanded that we give attention to the world --- to the hurting, the fearful, and the hopeless."

That's what he spent his time here on earth doing as an example to all of us I think alot of times we get so caught up in our own problems and situations that we forget why we are here We put our blinders on so we don't have to see what is a reality of this world We walk on the other side of the road
Look around you and listen.... there are alot of chances everyday to reach out to those in need

Friday, February 04, 2005

A good day

Thank you for the prayers and support I was actually very calm even though it seemed like I had to wait forever
I had my mammogram this morning and the radiologist read it for me and said she saw no calcifications or concerns
I feel like I had a big weight lifted so I'm off to do diabetes education and hopefully lift a weight for someone else
God is faithful

My Thursday night

Looking at Fiesta ware dishes at the mall (Darrell loves these dishes for some reason :)

A vanilla latte at Starbucks

Target shopping (Kristen and I love Target:)

Visiting Tyler at work ( I still want that rabbit :)

Eating wings from BW3

Watching Happy Days 30th reunion (I can't believe I watched this in high school I feel old :)

I needed a night like this

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Stay connected to God

"If your security, your strength, your self worth or your strategy for living come from any source other than God, you're vulnerable ..if you can do it without God, is it even of God?"

Too many times we let people determine our value and self worth The funny thing is alot of times those people have no connection to God Why do we give them that power?

"Everything you need comes from God, so protect that relationship, nurture it for it'll always be the focal point of Satan's attack"

Stay connected to God he takes you through those hard times
Last year at this time I was dealing with a breast cancer scare The only thing that got me through that time was my faith Even when you think you're at your lowest God is there to reach out pick you up and carry you through that dark time
Tomorrow morning I go for another mammogram It has stirred up alot of those emotions I felt last year My small group last night prayed for me and it just made me feel so much better It will be hard to walk in there tomorrow morning but I'm just going to remember that God is right beside me and no matter what happens he'll get me through it

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Blessed be your name

I like this song This was in my email this morning and it touched me I've had an exhausting week I'm fighting a cold, got called in to work on my day off, and I feel exhausted emotionally not for myself but for friends who are going through a difficult time Its hard when you pray for something and the answer in no or wait I know I get discouraged and ask why It's easy to forget that its Gods plan not ours
Anyway I continue to pray for my friends

Blessed Be Your Name
By Tree 63

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise

Have you ever received a Christmas bonus at work? What if one year you got an extra hundred dollars in your paycheck? Imagine if the following year you got an envelope with a gift certificate good for one Christmas ham. Disappointment probably doesn’t begin to describe how you’re feeling. It’s not that you don’t appreciate the certificate for the ham, but you have come to expect more.

In the same way we come to expect God's blessings sometimes. And when it doesn’t show up, we become bitter at God. But it’s during these times we need to remember that God doesn't have to bless us—He chooses to.

God doesn't bless us because we deserve it, He blesses us because that's the kind of God He is. "And I will send showers, showers of blessings, which will come just when they are needed." (Ezekiel 34:26b, NLT).

Ultimately, that's why we praise Him: Not because He's blessed us, but because He's a God who delights in blessing His children.